Why aren't you succeeding?

*TRIGGER WARNING*

This one has been a long time coming, and although I know it will, my aim is not actually to piss as many people off as I can, because although the people I talk about in this blog think everything is about them, ironically, they won’t think this is.

I have managed to isolate 3 main character traits of people that don’t tend to succeed, in my experience, and I must preface this blog by saying I have very much been guilty of doing this myself in the past, and it wasn’t until I became aware of my faults, that I was able to succeed in my various pursuits. These character traits are a victim complex, main character syndrome and being an attention seeker, these traits are far from being mutually exclusive, in fact the more of them you have, the less likely you are to succeed in your given endeavours. I felt the trigger warning is necessary because some of you are not going to like the examples that I give. I shall break each of these down for you and explain the reasons for their inclusion in this blog and the negative effect it may have on your life.

Let’s start with a victim complex, a lot of you will have heard of this and have an idea what it is, but a lot of you will have one without realising. There’s a good chance you just believe your life is harder than everyone else’s, you think your more tired, your ill more often, bad things happen in your life more often, there’s also a very good chance that your just love to moan about your life because you have a victim complex, and you want other people to feel sorry for you. There tends to be one very good indictor for whether you have a hard life or you just have a victim complex, and that’s how often you like to tell everyone about it. In my experience, people who have a genuine reason for their hard life, like a family member with an ongoing illness, don’t fucking bang on about it all the time and use it as an excuse to not do the shit they’re supposed to do. Do you post things on cryptic messages on Facebook like “oh my god this is sooooo awful” with no further explanation? When people ask you in the comments, do you say “I don’t want to talk about it” or “DM me hun”, if you don’t want the whole world to know, don’t write anything to begin with. 99% of people just get on with their lives and accept that sometimes life is a bit shit, you know what will make you feel better? Carrying on with your life like your supposed to and not adding more problems by being a lazy cunt and staring at your phone waiting for comments or likes to help make you feel validated. This will not bring you happiness, happiness is internal, not external, you won’t feel better. If you have a real problem, talk to a friend about it, don’t post it for the world to see, because although you might get likes on Facebook, I’m sorry to be the barer of bad news, but people don’t really care, put the wine down, get off your arse, start exercising, your excuse isn’t valid.

Speaking about other people don’t care, we all care about ourselves a lot, some more then others, some people care about themselves so much, they think the whole world revolves around them, we like to call this, main character syndrome. These people will believe that everything that everyone does is someway related to them, everyone should care about what they do, and what other people do isn’t important, unless it affects them! You can spot these people a few ways, if you’re in a group, these people will post about themselves, but never comment about anyone else, unless they have a bigger and better story, or they are included, or even if they aren’t, but there’s still an opportunity to make it about them. Have you ever listened to a voice note in the group and though “oh my god they’re just talking about me!” well there’s a very good chance you might have main character syndrome. So besides from being unsupportive in the groups, these people also feel that however their feeling is how everyone else should feel as well, so are a lot more likely to bring the mood of the group down, they will also feel personally attacked if not enough people comment on what they do, they’ll feel ostracized by the group and that everyone is against them and will probably ask to change groups as a result. The reason you aren’t seeing results is not because of the group, I’m sorry to say, it’s because of you! Have you ever noticed someone who tries to change the subject or purposely change the mood of the group when someone else is being praised? This jealous trait can be caused by main character syndrome, they will feel it’s a planned personal attack whether they realise it or not and will quickly throw a hail Mary play to quickly turn the attention back to them. I have some very simple advice for these people. Stop blaming everyone and everything else for your short comings, you don’t really matter that much to the people outside of your immediate family, all you can do is be a positive influence and take responsibility for your own actions, drop the ego, good things happen to good people, if they aren’t happening for you, it’s because you’re not very nice. Ties in with the victim complex here, nobody likes someone who’s self-involved, if people don’t like you then its more then likely your own fault, not a conspiracy. A lot of people will recognise some of these traits in themselves but then decide it can’t be about them because they’re most important person is their kids. Is it though? Or do you just want your kids to tell you that you’re a good mum or dad to make you feel better? Are your kids still the most important person in your life when you want to get pissed on a Friday night and they’re stuck in their bedrooms watching YouTube? I question your motives, you should too.

Lastly the most common trait is the attention seeker! Very similar to a victim complex but they will shout about absolutely everything, and it doesn’t just have to be negative, everything they do, everything they eat, everything their kids do, is an opportunity to draw attention back to them. There’s a comedian who puts this well when he talks about natural disasters in the world, people run to social media to write “my thoughts are with (insert country)”, that’s a nice little way to remind people that you exist whilst some horrible shit is going on in the world. I said it earlier, NOBODY CARES!!! People on Facebook might pretend they do, but they’re just banking attention with you so they can have it back when they want some, if they cared that much, they would text you, there’s no need for it to be a public conversation. I don’t post pictures of my kids on Instagram just so my Mum can see them, I send them to her. I’ve been guilty of writing long posts about someone to show everyone how nice I am, but before social media was a thing, I didn’t shout it out the window so everyone else knew how I felt as well, I just told that person, and that’s back to what I’m doing now. We treat the attention, the same way we treat food or any other addictions, we like the dopamine hit we get when we get likes and then we feel validated, but like I said, this is external and it won’t make you happy, happiness needs to come from within, and you get that from hard work and hitting your goals in life, not sat on your arse fabricating a story for people to click a button under your name. This trait goes hand in hand with the ones mentioned above, we love to seek attention because it momentarily makes us feel good, but it leads us to compare our attention with other peoples. It’s the whole reason we buy nice cars, or nice clothes, big companies know this, so the tag line “make your friends jealous” is common in advertising, but comparison is the thief of joy, so just do your own thing.

It all comes down to ego, we want to be, or we think we are better then everyone else, and if we aren’t it makes us jealous, it makes us less likely to listen to advice and it makes us bitter when anything negative comes our way. Its hard to accept your own faults, but admitting there’s a problem is the first step to getting better, and if someone tells you there’s something wrong with what your doing, drop the ego and pay attention because they’re probably right! I would ask you to do the same thing for other people. If you have a friend who moans all the time, stop pandering to them and tell them to do something about it, telling them they’ll be fine without any action is only enabling them to stay exactly where they are so the same process will be repeated over and over, but if they want to succeed, they must take action!

I have a theory that if you have a shit job, or not much money, or your overweight and you’re not willing to do anything about it, that you secretly love how shit your life is, because if you didn’t have that, then what would you complain about? It’s the victim complex in you, how can you make it all about you if you don’t have anything to say? If nothing else the attention seeking will be easier with some awesome before and after pictures to show everyone, but more importantly, you’ll feel better about yourself and when you do, you won’t feel the need to shout about it, you’ll just be content within yourself.

Success is the only cure for these traits, but these traits are your biggest barriers, take some time to reflect on yourself and decide how you can be better, just don’t fucking post it everywhere when you do.

Big Love,

Az

Ps. Please share this blog with your friends so loads of people read it, tell me how good it is, and then I can feel good about myself